with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
