Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
