i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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