Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
