we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
