My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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