If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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