What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
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