I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
