What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
