Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
