Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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