Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
