Need sex. Gaining weight.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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