Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
