Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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