I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
