I just pynch a tree in the face
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
