my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
