The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
