Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
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