There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
