he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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