Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize