I look better un-naked...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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