i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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