I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
