at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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