So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
