You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
