so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
