maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
