I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
