The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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