apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
