I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize