This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
