You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
