im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
