I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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