Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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