If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
