This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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