I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
