i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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