how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
