I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
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