On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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