definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize