.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
