1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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