I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i will never coherently bang her
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize