I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i dont even know how to be here
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
