I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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