Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize