You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
