I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
