I am spending my child support on dildos
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
