I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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