Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
