my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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