Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize