YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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