remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Operation Purity has been aborted
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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