I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
