You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
