Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
