The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
