I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
