i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
