I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
