so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
