Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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