Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
