I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
